I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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