The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
