I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
How does one acquire holy water?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
