A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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