I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
