also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize