I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
