puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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