so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
