Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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