Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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