god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
