nut hugger
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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