Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
