My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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