We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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