So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
