i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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