I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
