I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
