if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
