Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
