This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
