Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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