I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
