So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
