Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
