Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
