Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
