you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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