just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
