FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
