You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
