I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
