i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
