I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
