woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
