Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
