She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
