Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
