Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
