I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
