Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
