fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
operation harelip BJ is a go
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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