you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
