There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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