She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
