well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
