that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
