You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
