i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
