you should give me head with plastic fangs in
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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