I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
