don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
