at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
