He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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