Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
