if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
