I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
