He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
