so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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