I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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