She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
