it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
