wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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