Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
