My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
