you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
