i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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